Remember That Weekend When…

How my children will likely remember this weekend and it ain’t over yet… 


“Hey Charlie, remember that time we had to mind Dad’s bird?”

“Ugh, yeah, how could I forget?  Remember how it bit you when you put that harness thing on it, then it shit all over the bathroom?”

“Oh man, yeah I remember.  Then it ate the fish picture off the wall and cut my finger open”

“Ha ha… I forgot about your finger.  That would have really hurt”

“Yeah, it did.  That was the worst weekend.  I remember I was crying because I was meant to clean up after the bird — that’s what Mum and Dad had agreed to — but I wouldn’t do it.  Man, I carried on like a fucking two year old”

“You sure did Billy and Mum was soooooo pissed off”

“Oh Charlie, do you remember after Mum cleaned up the bird shit, she went into your room and the cat had pissed all over your bean bag and when she picked it up, all the piss ran off onto the carpet?”  

“Oh yes, I remember that, then she went into your room and found that the bird had shit on your clean bed and she totally lost her mind.  Do you remember how she picked up the doona and just shook it and screamed ‘F-U-U-U-U-U-U-C-K‘, like, at the top of her lungs?”

“Ha ha.. yeah and we asked her to stop swearing and she screamed ‘I WILL FUCKING NOT!’

“Oh yeah, then she went to hang the clean washing out and you’d dumped a towel with bird shit on it, right into the washing machine with the clean washing in it and when she picked it up, it went all over her hands.  The kids from next door were there and she dropped the ‘F bomb’ in front of them and had to apologise.”

“Fuck, I forgot about that, sis.  No wonder she lost her shit.  She was so stressed ’cause the dog wanted to eat the bird, too.

“Yeah, and she nearly cried when I tipped that entire bottle of bubble blowing shit all over the bed after that.  Oh and then the next day, the cat pissed in the kitchen sink!”

“No wonder she couldn’t even get out of her pyjamas to go and get a coffee, remember that?”

“Yeah, I do.  She made you go into Coles to do the shopping ’cause she wasn’t dressed.”

“I’m seriously fucking surprised she never went into the bottle shop that weekend.”

“Me too, Billy.  Me too.”


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